I'm unemployed. Actually, I've been joking that I'm the country's only "unemployed Asian." I had been working as a nanny for some wonderful kids. And as much as I enjoyed the children, enjoyed how easy-going my days were (for the most part) and loved how appreciative the parents were of my help, I felt like I needed something more.
Our battle with immigration was long, frustrating and hard. But when I finally got all my paperwork and social security number, I felt like I had to get on the books somewhere. I needed something "official", something with a pay stub and maybe even a desk. I met some wonderful people, was able to get some invaluable experience under my belt and obtained fantastic references.
So I decided that I was done, for the most part, with the nannying circuit. I was ready to move on and find something else. Come December I had worked one of my last regular days as a full time caregiver. I cried a little bit when I said goodbye to the little boy that I helped raise from the time he was a newborn, but I was excited over having my life wide-open to a new opportunity.
Then, with my days of waking up at the crack of dawn temporarily over, I started to feel something else. I can only liken it to something in the realm of an early mid-life crisis. All my working life, up til now, I had worked for necessity. I worked all through high school to have shopping money and to save money for university. I worked through university and through all my summer vacations to pay for tuition. Then when for my first few years here I worked under the table to help pay for some things a newlywed couple needs. I found myself asking over and over again (not to mention how many times other people asked me) what did I want to do. And I, honestly, had no idea.
I started out my job search simply applying for every position I was qualified for (except for retail positions). I was interested in maybe 1-in-12 of those positions. I actually felt more dread than hopefulness that one of those companies (that I really didn't want to work for) would call me and I would feel "forced" to take the position.
But then Gordon and I had a talk. We talked about what this new opportunity, this new freedom really, could be for me. We agreed that it would be a chance for me to find something that I truly loved, something in which I would feel truly rewarded and satisfied. He assured me that in terms of money we would be okay, that things would be tight, but we would be okay. And he supported me in the decision to only apply for jobs that I was truly interested in, something that I would truly want.
Even when opportunities for other nannying jobs came up, taking me out of the "unemployed" bracket, he would remind me of what my intentions were in getting out of it in the first place.
If it wasn't for the support and encouragement that he's been giving me to find something that I feel is worthwhile and would make me happy, I would probably have settled with the first position I found, no matter how unhappy it would have made me. And when I get down on myself, when worry plagues me, he, very swiftly, gives me a reality check and eases my mind.
So while boredom and pessimism sometimes creep in, I will try to keep my hopes up that I will find something that not only pays an official salary, but pays high in happiness as well.