I always understood that "time is relative." Time can either feel like it's speeding by, and other times it can slow way down.
For the most part I've felt like the days, weeks and years have just sped by, rushing toward their unknown destination. It feels as though it was just yesterday that I was graduating highschool and walking through the campus of my university. Four years have passed since our wedding, and yet it feels as though we have just come back from the honeymoon. Time, definitely, has the ability to become nothing more than fleeting moment.
And then there's the other side....
In reality, only four or so months have passed since I've stopped working. Four months, really, is nothing much at all. And yet, it feels as though it's been twice as long, if not longer. Bringing in a regular check is barely a recent memory even though it hasn't been that long ago.
I hadn't realised how much I thrived on the routine of waking up early, getting ready, driving to work, doing my job, driving home, make some dinner, hang out a bit, then go to bed all to do it again the next day. Those things filled up my days in a way that made 24 hours feel like it wasn't enough. Now, without that regimen the day has a tendency to feel long. I can almost feel every minute struggle to go around the face of the clock.
Now, don't get me wrong, a part of me enjoys not having to jump start my day with an alarm clock, guzzle a cup of coffee, then struggle through traffic. A part of me loves being able to wake up when I choose and to be at home most of the time. I do love being here when Gordon arrives from work, I enjoy being able to cook meals without resorting to only what can be cooked in the shortest amount of time. I like taking walks with our dogs, tending the garden and chatting with neighbours.
But when you're waiting for the phone to ring with a possible job offer at the other end, the day can seem long, very quiet and a little uncertain. And without the regular busyness of a regular work day to fill up what used to be the unsufficient hours, it's almost as though there is too much time.
As always, though, I'm staying positive and trying to keep my optimism high. And while I have more time than I know what to do with, I'll try to keep it filled with job searches, resume tweaks, dog walks and tomato plant tending. Speaking of which, I have some gardening to do. . .